Friday, August 31, 2007
Ok.
Right now, im mugging for my last paper, ICAPP.
Stupid icapp, i used to feel confident for icapp
but since things happened, i dun even feel like studying.
I feel like im an asshole cause im always pushing the blame to other things and someone else instead of myself.
Blaming how come things changed to how it was now?
Pushing the blame to others, always think that it was other people's fault.
Im sucha bastard!
Minutes ago,
i was just flipping over my book and tutorial questions.
To my surprise,
i saw those scribbling you drawn on my book.
I guess i really haven been studying cause im really surprised to see that.
Those scribbling, they used to mean nothing to me.
But its a different case now.
Afterall, ......
I don't deny that those scribbling make me miss you,
miss you more and more.
Come to think of it, one more week and its gonna be the third month.
Three months passed since that day.
Just cant forget it. 那些片段.
Read your blog as usual,
always waiting for you to blog something about your life, i just want to know.
I no longer know whether you are really happy about your life anot anymore,
I no longer know.
Oh
few more hours before im freed from stupid examination.
but icapp still here. = (
One more thing,
I addressed Tan kahying as ying jie jie in my previous post was mainly because she called me cong didi first.
Im only younger then you one month plus OK? =D
When are you coming back to me? When?
Will you ever think of me at;
5:26 AM
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Finally first paper is over!
But more is coming.
Hai, i hate exams!
Friday 24/8
Woke up early in the morning for my Mct paper.
Paper was ok.
Still can manage i think.
After the exam, went to block 10 to meet xinyi.
yesterday suddenly gave me a call and want to meet me to study.
First time leh. =D
So i met her and we went for lunch at business (again i was forced to eat 素)
LoL =D
Then went back engine to study netfund.
Actually we didnt study much,
most of the time,
she was copying my tutorial, chatting and we were singing IN THE MIDDLE OF CONCOURSE!
hahaha.
After awhile more,
decided to go shortcircuit for more FOOD.
I think both of us can really eat lo
So more chatting while eating,
long time didnt see this gal, she can be really funny lo.
Can suddenly pop out the dumbest question of this world to you and you don't even know how to react. =D
Talking session for a few hours.
So fun lo, can make me burst out laughing for so many times.
Especially the topic on president, ministers and alot more.
Hahaha. Xinyi, you know what i talking about if you happen to see this.
LoL
After that went to library as she didnt want to go home yet.
Think she want to borrow some books to occupy her free time.
Walked around to take a look at some storybooks, they seems so unfamiliar to me.
LoL
Xinyi recommended me some lame books too,
Diao. But i found some really interesting books too.
I think i will go get them after exam, read some books seems not too bad.
I need to change my image. Hehehe
After that, was already so night le.
So she went to borrow her book!
And im sure xinyi don't know the difference between "minimum" and "maximum"
hahahahaha =D
That was the joke of the day lo!
She really can be so blur sometime leh..blur till so cute. LoL
Oh ya
I want to announced that i don't like to be in our school library!!
Stupid library!
Never failed to make me sick everytime im there.
Oh, i want to intro to every reader of my blog a new friend of mine.
* This is my new friend - ELO
Chinese name - 一楼
*ELO & pig-elephant
At night,
Ying jiejie talked to me.
We talked about some stuffs.
She very bad de la, i so ke lian.
I was threatened by a triad to say that yuki was ugly and not cute.
If not i will be blocked and deleted from someone msn.
Im so sorry! Yuki
I was forced. Forgive me!
Hahahaha =D
Oh ya, the triad leader was Tan kahying aka ying jiejie
LoL
Will you ever think of me at;
11:43 PM
Sunday, August 12, 2007
*I wrote this post long ago and i just update it day after day but i just saved it as draft. I published it now just to let you know how i feel recently.
Sunday 12/8
Early in the morning,went out for breakfast with mum.
Wasnt in a very good mood.
Mum wanted to go to the market for breakfast so i just compromise.
On the way there,
Remember this pathway?
How fun it was when we always play around when i send you to the bus stop.
Now i just walk this pathway alone.
After breakfast,went home to continue doing something i haven complete
Evening time,
Went out with xu to catch "secret"
Nearly forgot about it that i promise her to catch it with her.
Thought it was supposed to be just a normal romantic love story, but turns out that it was quite different from what i think.
The twist of the movie was quite surprising. Overall quite a nice show and the piano was nice.
不管我们还会不会再见面
不管你会不会忘了我
我只想告诉你一个秘密
我爱你！
When i saw the part that 晴依 kissed jay,
i started to think of you.
It may seem that the "kiss" mean nothing to jay but it was everything to 晴依.
I just feel that way.
Then was this part that 小雨 was crying and she ran over to jay and hugged him so tightly.
I just can't stop thinking about how you hugged me so tightly when you don't want to let me see you cry on that day. 18/6/07
*Another edited version
我忍住的情绪真的一辈子都不能说吗？
拼命想挽回的从前
在我脸上依旧清晰可见
最美的不是那些甜蜜的回忆
是在那些回忆里的你
回忆的画面 梦开始不甜
你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
又何必去改变你走过的世界
你用你的方式
阻止我再见你
想象你在身边
在完全失去之前
你说要我把爱渐渐放下会走更远
或许命运的签只让我拥有那些回忆而已
只让我们相恋
在那一个月
结束后才发现
这幸福的碎片
要我怎么捡
Monday 13/8
School as per normal,
Time to hand in our MCT project.
Overall was alright, only thing special is that i screwed up my interview.
Such a simple question but i cant answer it.
Anyway for our MCT project,
Special thanks to xu.
I wasnt helping much for the project. So sorry.
But hope you understand that i not don't want help but i seriously don't know anything about the codes.
hehehe =D
After last lesson of MCT, marks the end of the day.
Accompany xu to go for the zhang dongliang's concert or something de.
I didnt have the ticket so i just go there take a look.
But yuehan was kind enough to go approach whoever to get a ticket for me as she know i don't have. LoL
And so i ended up with ticket, just like that. Hahaha
So i went for the concert too.
First time see this zhang dongliang,
Quite handsome i must say and he was kinda of humorous.
Not to mention that his songs was really nice.
The last song he sang was 错了再错
I find it quite touching,
you came to my mind again.
I changed his lyrics.
我的心破碎到不能破碎
能挽回什么你就不肯说
我只能猜但全都错
泪水代表伤悲 伤痛是你赐给我的安慰
你赐给我的安慰
你不如就用刀刺下
我可以痛了再痛 也可以错了再错
不甘心不闪躲只为了让你不离开我
为什么连一点点安慰也不给我
爱和痛彼此纠结 悲和我无法分解
疲累的心成了一片黑
伤痛都已无法消灭
完美的借口 让我的泪无辜留下
你倒不如用乱箭射吧
即使我头也不回 这悲剧猛向我追
你给我的爱像一根绳索
你放了手 但却捆住了我
为什么连谎言你也不说
After the concert, it was already dark outside.
I seldom stay in school till so late, only when i was with "you"
偶而会有人喜欢我
但并不代表什么
现在的我 不缺什么
只是缺了你在我身边
现在的生活偶而会难过
新朋友很多他们不够了解我
新朋友很多他们都不了解我
问了很多我只是微笑的带过
如果没有你 未来的我没有如果
从来不相信星座能预告什么
假设那么多过去能不能从来过
不瞒你说经过了这么多
你不能再从我脸上读出些什么
Tuesday 14/8
School start late afternoon so i didnt need to go school that early,
but i still went early to meet kahying.
Oh ya,she was crying when she called me to tell me where she was.
Shocked me leh. I thought what happened.
So i immediately rushed to school and on the way there
Saw xinyi and she was at my house downstair playing her electronic chicken so i pulled her to school also as she was being naughty for quite a long time le.
Been hearing things about her. Say her abit and ask her what happened to her recently.
Reached school and meet kahying, zh was there too.
Then know why ky was crying just now.
Wasnt that serious matter but can understand why she cry la.
But i thought normally she will be scolding and crusing instead of crying?
Hahaha =D
Chatted for awhile and went for lunch.
After that went to free access lab, both of them want to do their comprog project so i accompany them. Study for my netfund quiz too.
3pm..
They went for their comprog and i went for my netfund quiz.
Quiz was ok but i got careless mistakes.
Damn unhappy. It shouldnt be that way.
But also bo bian.
After that went to MCT free access lab for a while and i saw bY and el there.
Didnt talk much, what can i say?
Didnt feel like going home yet so msg ky and she ask me to accompany her to parkway to get something.
So went over to her class to find her.
She and xinyi both presenting their project to the teacher. Hahaha
How nostalgic. Thinking back of the past. Including you of course.
After a while, that scb finally ready to go.
So we went over to parkway,
on the way there, chatted alot.
Everything and everyone. I still think the one that understand me will be people from T23. I don't know why i feel that way but its just my feeling.
And to kahying,
I only got two words for you.
"Sorry" and "Thanks"
You know why these two words are for you so i don't need say more.
Actually i got alot of ppl to thanks,
you know who you are.
Thanks.
I appreciate everything you guys done for me.
Reached parkway and she like finally got her stuffs.
And we went to buy bread?! Hahaha =D
I don't understand why this gal like bread so much leh.
And she told me her incident about using nets to buy bread.
LoL..Pretty funny!
After that we went walking around.
I know she want to go home for her tv programme but don't know why still can walk around?!
Maybe want accompany me?? Hahaha =D
We ended up in the arcade.
The two of us in arcade?! That just doesnt sound right. LoL
So we had "a little bit" of fun.
Hahahaha..
Actually wasnt a little bit, it was a lot of fun.
I very long didnt have so much fun le.
Since everything happened, that was like the only moment i didnt think about it.
Played alot of games, and the most memorable one should be the mariokart, basketball and the pretty lame mountain kart or smth (don't know the name)
I like shouting all my way trying to make kahying excited lo but she just like scared ps only. Hahaha =D
Oh ya, and we tried one stupid game.
Played by two person de and can test the percentage of dunno what thing about the two person.
Me and kahying 69% leh.
Hmmm,still not bad..
got room for improvement.(Sorry leh, xiaohao..LoL)
After everything,
Accompany her back to her place.
And she accompany me to wait for my bus.
After that home.
That night,
i saw something which make me emo again.
Was feeling worst when i cant get things right.
Miss you more. Hurts my heart more. But just can't stop hurting myself.
Wednesday 15/8
No school for the day!!
What more can i wish for!! =D
Cause the only lesson i got for today is lectures.
And we all know i won't go. Even if i went, i will be alone.
So whats the point.
Scb they all asked me to joined them to go eat ice monster.
Anything for me.
So went to school, meet them and slacked awhile at shortcircuit.
I saw you. You saw me ba?
I wondered how you feel when u saw me? Nothing at all?
Doesnt matter at all?
T_T I don't know. I don't know.
I wanted to talk to you just like we used to.
But everything just kinda different.
Maybe like you say, this is just the way how things is now.
I don't understand how come you can just say like this.
I understand we cant change how things is going to happen.
But i believe we can change how the way things is now.
"This is just the way how things is now"?
Thats all?! Don't you feel anything?
I'll remember it.
The thing strange about me is that i can remember things.
I remember nearly Everything and maybe i expect others to do so.
But its just impossible eh.
Qr saw my phone wallpaper at that moment,
she said something. Seeing at how they look at me at that moment.
I don't feel good. Not at all.
有些事是怎么样都忘不掉的.
I did look at you when i was sitting there.
All i was hoping for was just you could look at me too.
but it doesnt seem like it.
Xav and cp told me you was like telling your friends about me.
I didnt know what to say.
Should i feel something that you still mention me?
Zul and kt came too eh.
Seeing how u and zul and all of your friends look like sitting over there,
it just seems so nostalgic.
Suddenly i remember i told you before that seeing you and him make me think of us.
Even when you pull him to accompany you to buy things make me ... ...
You told me i was sensitive, i m . Every littl thing matter alot to me but how come the only person that matter is me only.
After that we went off
Kahying and those gals go went to do their projects and so i accompany xav,cp and zh to cityhall for his shoes.
On the way there,
I find that we really got nothing much to talk about.
I just feel kinda different. Compared to us.
This make me miss you more. Really.
We went to bugis after getting their stuffs and they went to the guanyin temple to pray.
I prayed too.
For everything, for myself and for you.
Went to the bus stop to meet the gals and went over to ice monster.
Ordered and the ice was pretty nice.
Just that i don't like strawberry. Too sour for me and i don't eat strawberry de in the first place.
But the worst thing is they want play zhong ji mi ma and the loser must eat the strawberry left over by ai ling. Hahaha
STRAWBERRY AGAIN!
Jialat!
But lucky throughout the game,
i never tio even once.
Lucky for me, like none of my business.
After everything, they decided to go shopping.
Xav and cp went back first, think they got something on.
So the rest of us went shopping.
I mean the gals ba.
Funny thing is they decided to take neoprint.
Been years since i last took one.
CP and me was kinda being forced to compromise. LoL
Took the pics and the gals took like donkey years to finish the editing.
After that, went walked around for awhile and went home le.
Accompany to ky and qr to their bus stop and went back home alone
That night,
We talked to each other on msn.
I saved the conversation.I read it again and again.
Can anyone say that im looking for trouble myself? I think im.
Even when i was writing this part of this post. Im reading it.
"Protection?"
This is the word.
I may not be strong enough to let you feel protected.
But i willingly to become that way. or izzit just too difficult?
"Too nice?"
How come i see this everywhere?
"Do we have alot of everything?"
I know maybe that tiny little bit of "everything" cant compared to you and him.
But u must know how i think ba. You told me you do.
So why are you saying this? Do you know this hurts me more then anything.
Thursday 16/8
Nothing much.
Same old me.
Same old routine.
It's still the way i don't want it to be.
Friday 17/8
Last day of 2.1!
I skipped school.
I been skipping school frequently that i never even expect myself to do so.
Have i really changed?
Someone msged me and told me i was heartless not to go school even for the last day.
I wondered,
if im really heartless, maybe i will be more happy now.
Got a feeling my life is worthless.
Meet weihao at night.
Went to his house and meet him, went ljs for dinner, slacked around.
After that home.
Whats more?
*To the girl that trying her best to know me.
Actually to be honest, i don't intend to talk about it here.
But seeing the way you are going now.
I think you can understand everything in my blog. You told me you read everything right.
Seriously, i don't understand why you will still be doing this after knowing everything.
I told you i don't think we know each other pretty well yet.
I cant give you anything.
Friends? Of course we are. So don't worry.
But u must understand that my heart only got her.
Of course i won't deny all those things you wrote for me.
Tuesday 21/8
"She" finally popped "the secret" out. Seriously i already suspected it before she told me but i was also kinda shocked that you dare to tell me.
No wonder i find you being kinda weird suddenly.
You told me i must be feeling happy cause theres two gals.
Right here, i want to tell you "Im not".
Of course i don't mean i m sad, angry or whatever.
You told me you think its impossible cause you know how i really feel.
I think i told you about everything more then i could imagine.
I just want to tell you that don't think too lowly of yourself.
I definitely appreciate what you done for me.
Oh,
and i opened the present you gave me le.
I really like it alot. You really listen to what i say hor. Hahaha =D
I show you my skill when i mastered it. LoL
Thanks.
Im sorry i don't write your name here. I don't think you want me to put it here too right. This is how i think and im sorry if you are offended because of this.
I will put it here if i think you won't mind. Its just my feeling.
盼不到我爱的人 我知道我愿意再等
疼不了爱我的人 片刻柔情它骗不了人
我不是无情的人 却将你伤的最深
我不忍我不能
别再认真忘了我的人
离不开我爱的人 我知道爱需要缘分
放不下爱我的人 因为了解他多么认真
为什么最真的心 碰不到最好的人
我不问我不能
拥在怀中直到他变冷
爱我的人为我痴心不悔
我却为我爱的人甘心一生伤悲
在乎的人始终不对 谁对谁不必虚伪
爱我的人为我付出一切
我却为我爱的人流泪狂乱心碎
爱与被爱同样受罪
为什么不懂拒绝 痴情的包围
Wednesday 22/8
Its her birthday!
Knowing this will be such a special occasion,a weird feeling just appeared in my heart unknowingly.
Moments ago, i read your blog.
The sense of loneliness happened again.
This time, its so different.
The pain just get more and more unbearable each time.
I don't know who to find.
I was listening to this song - 我爱的人
I talked to weihao and i cried as hard as i could this time.
I always believe this will be the last time,
but deep down in my heart,
i know this will not be the last time.
A few more hours later,
i will be there.
I really don't know what i will see there.
I really don't know how i will feel there.
I really don't know how i will react.
I really don't know how you will treat me.
I really don't know. Not even a clue.
And thats why im here alone thinking.
一年前的我们过的那么快乐
充满笑与泪的时光
我以为会一直这样下去
你却说你需要离开
需要一些空间
是不是每当拥有后就会开始要失去
我给你的越多
你却要越想要躲
我总是傻到失去才想要珍惜
从前的一切美得太不像话了
曾认为这世上不再只有自己
她像变了一个人
她开始做一些我万万没想到的事
当世界只剩下我一个人
你那边却是无止境的欢笑
我感觉到你过的很开心
一直想说服自己说“你开心就好“
不过自私的我还是做不到
当我最需要你的时候
你在哪
你不在
无尽的等待让我受了伤
但你还是不在
开心和不开心的时候
你都不在
时间过得很快
一会的时间而已
从那一天开始算 都已经两个月了
一个人吃饭的我
想着你有别人的陪伴
感觉到的也只有自己的体温而已
原来有些事情不管怎样认真也不一定成真
你说的对 我不得不承认
你就像空气一样
总是在我的身边存在着
但我却永远无法把你握在手里
太多太多的问题闯进你我之间
让我失去选择的余地
只能默默的爱着你
只是怀疑自己有没有这种能力
你知不知道对我而言
是你决定我的伤心
如果有一天我们还会重新相遇
我会用所有感觉拥有你
在这么多人里我却只看见你
你猜这是幸运 还是不可思议呢
我身边的人都走得很快 可我却停在这里
大家都说我傻的可以 可还不是因为你
Will you ever think of me at;
12:41 PM
Thursday, August 09, 2007
I know i shouldnt feel that way.
But god damit.
Every little things just went wrong today.
First my bloody com got a virus attack or smth and went haywire.
Second i couldnt even get my own mouse back.
Why am i always the one getting all this?
Izzit wrong being nice and easy?
F**k!!
When i send you that msg, i received your call.
When the phone starts ringing and that familiar ringtone was heard.
For that only moment, even if it was just for a few seconds.
I was happy.
Picked up the call and you wasnt there.
I know you called me accidentally Again.
I wasnt upset. I told myself not to.
I heard everyone else voices. All of them.
Even you.
You sounds happy.
I don't want to think anything at that moment. I just want to listen to your voice.
To me, that was enough.
Kinda feel alone and lonely but i got that coming.
Will you ever think of me at;
11:03 PM
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Im not insulting you.
I don't even have the slighest intention of letting you feel that way.
It wasnt you.
That word wasnt for you.
Have i ever insult you before?
Will i try to do anything that will make you feel upset or insulted? Ask yourself
Since the day i know you, you know the one i teng the most is you
Since the day i reveal my feelings to you, you know the person i care the most is you.
You know i won't use this kind of word on you.
You know it. don't you.
I don't want you to hate me.
I don't want to lose you.
I'm not trying my luck. Don't use that on me.
You know me. I won't depend on my luck for dis kind of thing.
Im not like that.
I did listen to you.
Im getting on with my life.
I don't want to let you be troubled over me.
But im afraid.
Im afraid that you will forget me.
And i cant let go. I don't wish to let go.
So much between us so i keep on waiting till that day arrive.
So here im all by myself, thinking of you nobody else.
Only you.
Are you finding it hard all on your own
Having to face each night alone?
I do find it hard all on by own each night. I want you back.
I just miss you more each day.
Will you ever think of me at;
9:54 PM
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
I feel like being replaced.
I feel like being betrayed.
All im feeling now is
Everytime i visit either your blog or your friendster, all i wish is to know how u been.
But all i get back is heartache.
I know i cant be so selfish that want you to be troubled over my matter.
I told my friends all you need is time.
Time is just what you need.
I don't understand why you cant say no and yes to that question of mine.
You cant say no because im somewhat being replaced?
You cant say yes because ??
I don't even remember that i need to ask you whether im one of your friends.
You treat me like be4.
Like be4?
Im still holding on to the pasts.
I just cant let go cause thats the only thing that could keep me going on.
I know you got someone in your mind now.
There used to be norton, didnt i told you that i will wait?
Painful as it may seems but
you'r the one i love so deep.
You told me you tried loving me. but you failed.
I tried not to love you, but i failed too.
I told you i used to give up on things i like easily.
But this time,
I'm serious.
Will you ever think of me at;
12:30 PM
Sunday, August 05, 2007
You choose to not think about it?
You choose to don't know anything?
Just to hope things don't get complicated?
What about me?
WHAT ABOUT ME?!
Don't leave me at the back.
Will you ever think of me at;
11:34 PM
Saturday, August 04, 2007
| You Are Really Not Happy |
 You may have noticed that things aren't going too well for you lately.Your life never used to be like this, but it seems like happiness is slipping away from you.You definitely need a change, because whatever you have going on isn't working.It's time for you to shake things up - even if it means totally changing your life path. |
Will you ever think of me at;
3:44 PM
Friday, August 03, 2007
What a day!!
Yesterday night was one of the worst..
I just start to miss you more..
Alone in the room make me feel more worst..
Emotions start running here and there inside me..
I want you back!!
Only managed to fall asleep at 6am..
This morning i couldnt wake up..
My whole body don't feel too good..
Felt so sick..
Flu and sore throat..
And stomach starts to cramped
Cant even get myself off the bed..
Skipped school and the next moment,
it was late afternoon liao..
Realized today i got maths quiz..
Just too perfect!!
Went to see a doctor and got myself a mc..
Met weihao after that and went to tm to eat dinner and also to walk around..
I start to think of you again..
I realized i haven been going out recently..
Even interchange seems so different to me now..
not to mention town area..
Everywhere i go will still make me miss you..
We had our dinner at mac and went walking around..
I brought something..
For you..
I just hope you'll like it..
but still need to spend some time on it..
Thats it ba..
I don't wish to do that to you but you are the one i love and i don't want to lose you.
I hope you don't treat me the way you'r treating me now.
Will you ever think of me at;
11:20 PM
